fast, faster, fastest

You know what? I like The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. I like it a lot. I watched it Saturday afternoon for the 4th or 5th time. I know it catches a lot go flack, but the haters are just ticked that it's not a Vin Diesel flick. But I love Lucas Black. I don't think we get to see enough of this young man in movies or TV. I know, I know, Tokyo Drift is basically "Karate Kid" with ricers... albeit fast ones... but I love just love this movie.

In all fairness to the film, the second outing 2 Fast, 2 Furious isn't a great film at all. It's a very poor sophomore outing (on it's own*) with a weak plot, though it does advance the mythology somewhat (as did Tokyo Drift), but the way I see it, the first two films enjoyed some continuity in that Paul Walker stars in both. The third outing, Tokyo Drift messes with the continuity thing very differently, in that Vin Diesel shows up at the end, and one main character, Han, dies... which is strange, because Han is in Fast and Furious, the 4th film. The events of Fast and Furious take place before the third film, as one scene shows Han saying he's going to Tokyo where he's heard about an interesting racing scene happening. Strange continuity, but I love these films... especially Tokyo Drift. But Lucas Black is a good actor, and has far more depth than the likes of Shia LeBeouf!

*Strange Continuity - It's all explained here.





One of the most intriguing lines in Tokyo Drift, to me, is what the Yakuza uncle said to his nephew in reprimand... for an "overlooked detail"...

For want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost
For want of a horseshoe the steed was lost
For want of a steed the message was undelivered
For want of the undelivered message the war was lost

Speed-- too much of it --allows for greater slacking in one's attention to detail. No detail is trivial. Every step on any journey of any distance is important.




Scientists have proven wrong, it is feared, the foundation upon which modern physics is built.

Speed of light 'broken' at CERN, scientists claim

The science world was left in shock when workers at the world’s largest physics lab announced they had recorded subatomic particles travelling faster than the speed of light.

If the findings are proven to be accurate, they would overturn one of the pillars of the Standard Model of physics, which explains the way the universe and everything within it works.

Einstein’s theory of special relativity, proposed in 1905, states that nothing in the universe can travel faster than the speed of light in a vacuum. But researchers at the CERN lab near Geneva claim they have recorded neutrinos, a type of tiny particle, travelling faster than the barrier of 186,282 miles (299,792 kilometers) per second.

The results have so astounded researchers that American and Japanese scientists have been asked to verify the results before they are confirmed as a discovery.

If it turns out to be true, don't expect too many people to be banging the drum for the "new world order" in the physical world. Change comes slowly to enlightened thinkers. Especially when said change threatens to alter the established order; careers, fortunes, prestige, and power could be lost. Truth get's blurred when fortunes, careers, and power structures are threatened.

German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) had this to say about Truth...

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

This is seen even today in the fields of medicine and physical science. As it was in the days of Galileo, so it is today: western medicine, man-made global warming, evolution. Anyone who publicly doubts these canons is branded a heretic, or 'flat-earther,' and no better than a racist.

Regarding Medicine and Physical Science, there is too much money to be made off the fear of the eschewing the former to lift its metaphorical boot from the throats of its victims, and too much ideological capital already spent to allow the latter to ever admit its obvious flaws.

Here's a truth: The unregenerate heart will always seek to build its fortune on fear, be it of the personal or the preying upon variety, and fear will drive it to untold mongeries to build its fortunes higher than mere necessity dictates.

Avarice is king, necessity and truth be damned.

e's improving on E

The Fundamentals/Basics:

1. Who do you listen to?
2. Teachability Index
3. Training/Balance Scale
4. Four Steps of Learning Information

Thoughts on the Foundation:

"If you know and do not do, you do not know."


"If you want to be a master, you must be a master of the basics."


"You can only build as high as your foundation is deep."


"God gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them proportionately."


"I am not afraid of the 10,000 strikes you have practiced once. I am deathly afraid of the one strike you have practiced 10,000 times."


"Focus on the fundamentals; master the basics."


"If your attitude is right, facts don't matter."


"How you feel is 99% of success; when your thinking is correct, the how doesn't matter."

of whEels and wind

Received a call yesterday. Surprise! I wasn't expecting a call back, let alone a response, so I promptly forgot about it. I didn't sleep well last night because of it. I'm operating on very little sleep right now. I can't let anyone but Cristal know.

I just called back a bit ago. Made an appointment. I've been a bit like Lennon lately, just watching the wheels turn round and round, never imagining their turning could involve me in any personal way. Times are tough here. Money is scarce; every dollar has a name and none of those names involve any of the things I'm wont to do with my paychecks. No movies, no chai at Starbucks, no books, almost no money for cable.

Can't let anyone know about this, however. I shouldn't be telling you. But there it is. Can't afford to let anyone get wind of this.

in E's quest for balance... some things must go

I'm in need of some balance. I need to drop some of the baggage I'm carrying. I have too much on my plate, too many pans in the fire. My fingers are scalded, and my mind is a kettle on the verge of a steaming boiling scream.

I have to decide what is important, and what I can set aside.

• I'm setting aside music for now. Not my guitars, but the desire to record my music and share it. I simply don't have the time or money to invest.


• I MUST continue working on the movie poster for "Writing Christmas Cool" but I have to balance that work with the work that MUST get done at the station... a lot of changes in job duties there, and I'm not as confident as I could be that all will be well in the end... especially in THIS economy.


• I am setting aside my language studies, TV (well, MOST of the shows I watch), and every book I'm in the active process of writing or drafting... five at varying stages of completion.


• Much of my blogging is also going. I'll keep this and Letters to Mary, and my portfolios, but that's it. I simply don't have time for it.


• I'm giving up politics. Or rather, following politics.


• I'm going to pick up my brushes again. I'm going to stop putting so much effort and emphasis on Photoshop and other programs and get back to the basics. That's where my real talent lies.

And that's just for starters.


UPDATE: Monday, April 5 - 8:45am

Look closely at the man in the picture... recognize him? Was HE saved? or was this photo a study in cynicism by the late Kurt Cobain? Is this something upon which I need to focus more? What am I doing to carry light in an increasingly darkening world? A lot less that those who paid to have that billboard placed. In a search for balance, I can think of no greater duty.

I had a dream last night. I wonder if I have the nerve to actually do it. Especially since it would require using company property off the clock, and for a purpose other than news/work related.

dEarest Mary Angel

I saw her today for the first time in five weeks. She smiled and hugged me; she was genuinely happy to see me. I complimented her, told her she looked beautiful. She asked if something was wrong with my eyes. I told her she was a sight for sore eyes. And I told her she WAS beautiful. And she was.

We were to have lunch last Friday, but she couldn't break away from clients. We were to meet yesterday, but she was stuck in Enterprise awaiting a transmission repair. We are to meet Thursday, and it is my hope nothing will prevent our meeting.

I like her too much. Far too much. I will only get hurt in the end, but I do not care. I have to try. You can't spend your winnings unless you buy a ticket, right? She knows I like her, but she doesn't turn me away; she continues to encourage me. She's said things to others that indicate she is interested. Or was five weeks ago.

I had a conversation with the other Eric today. Prescott. He laughs to see how bad I have it for her, but he understands. He's not mocking. He listens and offers advice. He says she knows how I feel. And to be patient. I confided to him that even should nothing come of my infatuation-- should she and I never advance beyond the occasional lunch --I would still rather have that relationship that the one I now have. At least with her I feel alive and valued and listened to. I feel alive around her. I can speak my mind. I don't have to hide who I am; I can speak freely without fear of laughter or rejection. She likes who I am... enough to share the occasional lunch with me.

I want to ask her for more... a movie or dinner. But I'm not free to date. Not until I'm on my own. We were supposed to see a movie last month but never got around to it. Just as friends. She hates to see movies alone, as do I. I could use a best friend, and I wouldn't mind if it turned out to be her. Even if that's all we ever became.

As I said. I like her too much. But I can't help myself. I waited twenty years for one woman to say 'yes.' And in the end she has made it clear she doesn't want to marry... not me, not anyone. I want to belong to someone; I want to be happy. And as I said, even should nothing develop us, at least with this beautiful and vibrant woman I'll learn once more how to socialize-- how to befriend and be befriended.

I finally feel as though this ship I'm on can actually get somewhere; that winds will actually fill its sails, and its prow carve a path across this seemingly interminable sea. I've been a long time rocked upon its merciless surface, and I'm looking forward to dry land. I'm looking forward to someone who won't balk at one day putting a ring on my finger-- whoever and wherever she may be.

God be with you and yours,

All my love,

Eric

day one

2009 had been perhaps the most depressing year of my life. I hope to change that this year. My game plan is still a bit undefined at present, but at least it's something I'm actively dwelling on. A few goals for this year:

• Move out into my own place
• Find someone with whom I can spend next Christmas & New Years Eve
• Care more about myself by getting into shape

That's enough to keep me busy without becoming overwhelmed. They're ambitious financial goals, all three. There's lots to do and only so much cash each payday to do it with, but I am determined to see it through.

As to the first, I worry that with my poor credit rating I won't be able to find a decent apartment to rent. I also worry about the start-up costs of actually moving in: deposit, first month's rent, dog deposit, electric deposit. Then there are the other costs, mostly for peace of mind, such as an emergency fund of at least five-hundred, a washer and dryer, and enough cash to move into a new place should such a move become necessary-- always have an exit strategy.

Though not on the list, reliable transportation is part and parcel with moving out. I have to be able to see to my transportation needs when the car must stay in the shop. I'd like a new vehicle, but short of a three to four thousand dollar annual increase, that's not going to happen anytime soon. And, of course, there's the question of my poor credit rating.

Part two on my list of things to do this year can only begin, let alone be accomplished, upon completion of the first. I cannot expect any woman to accept me while still living where I am. It is undeniably true that my present "living arrangement" has own her room and her own bed, and I never see anything intimate in the relationship, but I can't expect any woman to believe it. Besides which, the woman I AM interested in... well, I've already told her I couldn't be anything more than a friend until such a time as I am living on my own. And this is a difficult woman to pin down on anything.

I admitted some time ago that I have a tendency to chase women who are emotionally unavailable, and this woman of whom I speak is just such a one. She too is in a similar spot as I am, pining for a man who's just not into her... kinda like where I am right now, though I'm not pining; I've given up, in fact. Given up trying to love someone who has no desire to ever make an honest man of me. She wants to be affectionate but I'm lost all interest in kisses and such. I'd rather they came from someone else; someone who can look at me and see someone worth drawing INTO her arms, not holding me at arms length.

Lastly, there's caring more about myself. This will involve aspects of spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. I have neglected myself in all three areas for far too long. I weigh 260 now, and need to drop to 200, minimum. I need to draw closer to the Lord, and I need to believe in myself far more than I ever have before.

I've also noticed some changes in my body's function that needs acute attention. I am not one to seek medical attention, so I will first attempt the avenues I preach to everyone else and seek natural holistic approaches to a short list of problems. I will see a doctor this summer for a prostate exam, but that will be the extent of it. On the off chance cancer should be found I will NOT take chemo or radiation treatments. I will do what many others have done to combat the problem... and I will live. Also along this line, I'm making a list of books I'll need... a tidy stack of them.

And there it is. Not resolutions so much as a short list of resolves.

Finally, at some point, I have to ascertain whether what I'm feeling toward a certain someone is genuine or not, and whether she reciprocates. Or not.

e's yEar-end brain dump

It has been a year of epiphanies. A year of hope. A year of change. It has been a year of desolate heartache and a year of light. It has been a candle floating upon a turbulent sea, lit in spite of the storm because no storm could ever put this candle out.

It has been a return to dreams and dreaming; something I've not done in a very long while-- not that I remember, of course. I've begun to dream again. And what better way to ring out the decade? After all, it has been a dark decade and it's getting darker still, but in the midst of the darkness is that candle. Hope... and the promise of change. No not the kind Obama promised, but rather real change; the kind you know is real because you effected it-- You set the stage, you set the ball to rolling, and the top to spinning. Not some ephemeral promise that things will get better, but instead the change you make for yourself.

That is where I find myself on the last day of this year.


I spoke just now of dreams? I had a dream two weeks ago that is still playing in vivid living color... I dreamt she held my hand. I dreamt I reached for her, and she took my hand and did not let go.

You can't imagine how wonderful that was, to wake up and remember that, even though a mere dream, someone thought enough of me to hold my hand. The trick now is to make that vision a reality. I don't know who she'll end up being, but I know she's there.

* * *

I've changed twice now in little more than a year. Same company, different posts therein. If anything, I can attribute my new ability to dream, in no small part, to these changes. Sit in one place too long and walls begin to climb about you. You don't see them but you can certainly sense them, they're the sure knowledge-- understood as such or not --that you're being penned in, that some force is keeping you from being what you were meant to be. Think of the feed lots, how the cattle are confined and forced to dine on a diet contradictory to their nature. That's you. Taught to eat from a trough when you were created to graze freely. That's the way I've felt for good many years.

But that all changed this year. I've been thrust out of the lot, and made to roam... so to speak. I'm not yet comfortable with my new station, but I'm getting there. I've had to make adjustments; some painful, some absolutely delightful.

One, both painful and a bittersweet (at present) kind of joy, is the decision I made to get out of a relationship of 20 years; one that has gone nowhere despite all my efforts to see it bear fruit. Knowing she doesn't wish to marry me hurts more than I can ever express, but I also feel at peace with my decision. I'm out of practice socializing with women, but I'm looking forward to it. I, like everyone else on the planet, just want to be loved. And if one woman doesn't want me, there's someone else out there who does. I just need to find her.

I've become more introspective this year, which is either an utter amazement or extremely distressing depending on your point of view, since I have already been a deeply introspective person for these past thirty-five years. I'm not sure what that portends but it's been a personally noticeable change. There's more of a determination than ever before to build a bulwark of personal honor and self-determination; to project strength in who I am in relation to the rest of the world. There was none of that twenty years ago. None whatsoever.

How this will stead me in the months ahead? I can't say. But everywhere I turn I get, and am given, encouragement... inducement to keep moving forward. And that's what I'll do.

For now, I need to begin work on my New Year poem. I've thought about it all week, and now it's time to begin writing.


i will find
and you will find
and we shall find together here
underneath the bunker...

But that's not really how it goes, is it? Like the song to which you thought you knew the lyrics, only to discover you had it wrong all those years.

i will hide
and you will hide
and we shall hide together here
underneath the bunker...

--REM

I like my version better.

e's wEekly brain dump

It's been an interesting week... really.

• New Internet Sales boss
• My job is changing. Everything's in limbo
• Pursuant to previous: More responsibility. More learning. Potential for more money
• Lunch buddy asked me to join her at the station's tent at the Peanut Festival
• MONSTER headache this weekend... even as I write this
• Epiphany of sorts regarding the world today
  

I learned rather early in the week that my job is changing and I had to make a decision as to whether I wanted to ride the wave or stay on shore. The station wants someone to become their Web Guru... an veritable internet Jedi... and they're asking me. It'll be a lot more work without any initial pay increase-- which is par for the course, but in the long run it'll set me up for a potentially very large return. I am in a very enviable position.

I now have to immerse myself into WorldNow, a video editor/client program I've never gone into more than waist deep. I'm already conversant with Clickability so there's no big deal there, but now I have to add Adobe Flash to the mix, a program I know almost nothing about-- Hey, I've never had to use it! In addition I'll be using Dream Weaver more than I already do... again not a big deal. And I'll be using a lot more HTML (the new Internet Sales manager tells me I won't need CSS at all, that the use of CSS is passe, and on its way out. I thoroughly disagree, but in terms of my new duties [of which I'm still in the dark] I'll not need it. Doesn't mean I'm going to just toss it out the window. I'm going to master CSS if it kills me).

From what I understand, I'll be shooting video and placing it on the station's website. This doesn't impress me as a very big deal except that I've never soloed on a video shoot; my training in that has been deliberately slow. So I expect my training there will intensify.

And just where all the landmarks/mines are, I cannot even hazard a guess. You see, I'm the kind of person that likes to know where everyone stands: what are their duties, to whom do I answer (since technically I'm in two departments), in what situation. I don't like "on the job" surprises. Knowing the lay of the land is the first step toward victory, barring the ability to choose your own ground. And right now, where I marshal my forces... from what position I engage... is not my decision. Someone else is choosing the ground for me. Not an enviable position to be in, I assure you. Over all, however, this is an opportunity that I would be a fool not to take.

I don't like change; Change is unpredictable, no matter how much information one possesses-- something can always go wrong. And yet Change is the only real constant there is outside of God himself.

That has been my life for much of this week-- Flux.

* * *

I shared another enjoyable hour with my lunch buddy on Friday. She is a great conversationalist! I can't even remember all things we talked about, but I do know I was yet again a Chatty Cathy, which is so not like me. I am typically the most reserved person in ANY group or gathering, and yet she is very freeing... not so much in what she does, but rather what she projects. As Luka Bloom sings in Primavera,

You are a beacon in the crowd
You bring lavender to calm"

...and as I typically catalog relationships through music I would assign Primavera to Miss LeNee`.

On another note, she added me to her list of friends on MySpace, and she sent me one of these electronic 'Kisses'; it's some kind of app that allows for flirting or some such, Needless to say, I sent one back, but then realized that might not have been the best thing. I swear I am not trying to get intimate with her. I just can't do that right now. So I'm choosing-- and rightly so, I think --to take it with a grain of salt. Thousands of people blow those kisses around on MySpace, and as I recently wrote, I know the difference between intrigue and infatuation, or in this case, the difference between flirty friendship and an honest to goodness kiss.

A "Kiss" is two pair of lips embracing the soul of one fleeting moment. This was just an electronic image on my computer screen. [got to remember that... really good metaphor]. I sent her a link to a poem I wrote... One Kiss.

In addition to this, she asked me while at lunch if I would sign up and join her the Saturday of the Peanut Festival Parade out at the fairgrounds at the station's tent and keep her company while she smoozes with the public. I'd love to do that, but I'm deliberately delaying any decision. I have my word to consider... the part where I said I could not date because of my current situation. And while I have no illusion that this would be a date, I worry that I may be becoming too attached to a daydream-- she is THAT powerful of a presence to me --and I still have obligations elsewhere. No... there's no ring on my finger, but I'm not free in any case. I've made promises, and I'm not in the business of breaking promises no matter how attractive the light she exudes.

* * *

Eric P. it seems will still be training me on the cameras. And I've already discussed the whys and wherefores. In addition, however, I will be training him to cover for me when I take vacations.

Sidebar: Primavera just ended, and the shuffle has brought about Fleetwood Mac's Sara...
another powerfully beautiful song.

Eric P, by the way, is another person I am choosing as friend. I have been too long without friends.

* * *

The more I look at the world today the more I can't help but see God's hand in the each day's events. It's as though I can see the pen in His hand; the flow of ink following a line of script written long ago, yet played out in real-time before my eyes. How the world can go about building its plans, its own 21st century Tower of Babel is beyond me. All I can say is the world is overwhelmingly ignorant to the truth. Imagine how wonderful it would be to witness the fulfillment of prophecy... and yet billions of people have failed to see the truth that they ARE witnessing the fulfillment of scripture today; that prophecy is in the process of being fulfilled.

Absolutely amazing.

All my troubles and elations this week pale before that one simple truth. Should the world still be tooling along twenty years from now, all the training I'm about to receive may actually be a benefit to me... the friendships I'm building today may actually bear fruit. I may actually find that woman who will put a ring on my finger. I may actually...

Well... Nothing wrong with dreaming, with hoping for changes in my life. But let's not lose sight of what's really important. And depending on what one values most, what's truly important is either held aloft like a crown of laurels, or left behind somewhere in the dust of our travails. For myself, I have visions of a finish line.

In the meantime I'm going to bed with a headache one-inch larger in circumference than my skull, with nothing but water to ease the pain.

Hey! you know me! I haven't had any medications of ANY sort in ages. They are stictly verbotten! Besides, my body does not have a deficiency in Acetaminophen, or Aspirin. Know the cause... know the cure.

So what cause this tremendous headache? I drank something with aspartame early yesterday morning. Now I'm paying for it. Time and lots of Ionized water will take care of it. What? You never get headaches from drink you diet colas? Perhaps that's because you drink them regularly. Think a caffeine headache is bad? Just try coming off Aspartame. No amount of Tylenol or Aspirin will kill that headache. I know all too well.